A Holiday well wish!

A Toast a Toast to you and yours,

I offer a glass filled with Holiday spirits, and warm wishes to all.

 

May your celebration feast be filled with love, and gifts of memories and your year head be filled with dreams achieved.

 

I lift my glass to thee.

 

For I shall be like Oliver and ask for more, of thee.

Consider this.

Consider this.

Our soul nor our awareness is chained to the body and its senses Alas only to our perceptions of self is the shackle.

 

This is the reason for dreams.

Press Release

A press release; 12/11/2012

 

OMG I am such a space cadet a press release is due, I seem to put these things off thinking…..Who really reads them anyhow…..

 

 

First off if you haven’t herd the rumor the show Admitted Illusions has been postpond it is still at the Power House Event Center, it will be in April

I hope everyone offers a warm welcome to

Jillian Ann, Singer/Writer/Dj  www.JillianAnn.com

The Burlesque Troop Visions http://visiongirls19.weebly.com/

As well as a few local surprises and favorites like

$.O.D. Tha ILL-Literate  http://www.reverbnation.com/thaillliterate

Olyghost http://www.youtube.com/olyghost208

to the stage.

 

Speaking of local talent support lets not forget models the competitions and publications I am supporting;

 

First off the new mens life style magazine from Ice Media Network, called New league, Let me not forget the wonderful people over at Ilene Carol “your BBF Online”. http://magazine.ilenecarol.com

 

I guess that’s the Meat and Potatoes from Idaho, LOL the rest of the info I am up to would be about me, and if you know me I seldom discuss me or my work, LOL I think its more about ego than anything. I much prefer my images do the talking.

 

Speaking of images, for the first time outside of printed galleries or consignments some of my posters featuring many local models will be available for purchase through Online Galleries, WARNING there will be some of my Fine ART NUDES there. These will be the only online source for my work. They can be found at;

http://chas2.imagekind.com/

http://chas-della-silva.fineartamerica.com/

 

Ok lets talk about them and the models who have taken the courage to do them, these were and are a joint effort to display an image of art. I know this may seem a bit odd but I am completely tired of the local rumor mill. I personally do not sell any of my work to any adult website. My web presence is easily found by using google.

 

Before you jump up on the pulpit pray for my redemption, or throw judgments on a model show some emotional intelligence, these are people, people with beautiful lives, some with enchanting children, wonderful relationships, they are your neighbors, classmates, your friends. They have taken the courage to stand up to the world and say, I am me, a courage that is a reflection of the community, families from which you are a part.  

 

As for the other stuff that may be of interest, my views, inspirational thoughts, moods, and other things I think about they can be found at http://chasdellasilva.blogspot.com/

 

Now for the test to see if anyone actually reads a press release, all give either two tickets to the Admitted Illusions show or a free two hour studio session to the first person to like this….and can tell us what Peace means to them. See the only place I mentioned the word was at the bottom of the page…..

 

To achieve great things, first dream great dreams!

 

Chas

Reflections

Integrity is the only path that leads to honor, the highest valued honor is the one given.

 

How shall I honor thee?

Of what value shall I select?

Which naturally will reflect.

 

Art a foundation?

If art a foundation of mans abilities to learn, from cave drawings to computer graphics art has been used to teach generations of man in all cultures, why is it not a core requirement as is reading and math?  

Are you open minded?

Are you open minded?

If one removed time from an equation would everything really stop or would all equations. Of what purpose does defining speed calculate?

 

It is true time is relative, however from which it is marked is a perception of value from a given point.

 

Who picked the point?

 

Just how did time get a value?

 

If I picked two points of time would not the marking change value or just the impression of time?

 

Is not time a perception of an entity?

 

A perception of art,

 

One would first admit to the impression of art; would one choose a point relative to form?

 

Without judgments of moral tyranny place upon the same form which is marked by a value of a given point.

 

Nudes

 

Alas for the artist like the scientist it is them that are shamed. Of time we can now manipulate.

 

LOL man I went all the way out to Pluto on that one, oh I forgot Pluto isn’t a planet, Yet.

About Form

How shall I parade my beauty, disrobe my passions if I am to be judged by my form. For is not my beauty equal to my form, a value of my passions.

 

Alas my passions are judged by my form.

Another about Love

Love is the gift you see in another’s eye, the wonderful fun of a child’s laugh, the softest of kisses, the strength of holding hands, Love is the comfort of another’s words.

 

Love has no limits, it can not be chained nor expected, for the only burden in love is letting go.

Un

A burden of passion is the unclear, unfelt, the undone.

Driven or accountable

Driven of my labor,

It seems odd that I place such lofty expectations on my own work, yet driven have I been to achieve uniqueness the expectations are for front in mind each day.

How fair these potential standards weigh when I hold them to me, yet unfair should I place them on you.

Alas I do, I will.

About a dream

I had a dream, an interesting dream really I dreamed people were watching me dream.

Organized

In my attempt to get organized, I some how unorganized me, lost I have been among the clutter of tasks to do, until the point of organizational needs have completely replaced me.

A many thanks for the giving.

Thanks for the giving.

To all those in my life who have taken the time to give, no matter how trivial, we now share memories, these memories we built are as vast as the harvest feast, I toil to prepare.
Come ye, Come ye, let us lay our yokes aside, let us view our tables as full!

For the Feast of the Harvest is beginning of the giving moon! May yours be filled with Spirits!

A tip of the cup I offer thee.

Time?

As for time, measure time if you will or if you can, for time itself is immeasurable. Of my time I do adjust my conduct and even my course of my very spirit according to the hours and seasons.
Yet the timeless in me is aware of life's timelessness, and knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is but today’s dream.
Embrace time passed with remembrance, Look for time yet passed with the longing as it is your dream.

Contempt and Opinions

Contempt and Opinions are brothers when you invite them to an argument. They dance with the twins Jealousy and Envy all made from the harmony of fear. Remember these least your expectations be your journey of your day.

Opinions are like onions

Opinions are like onions, they belong in the stew of life, but I wouldn’t want to make frosting out of them. As an author they just give me a reason to write. Unfortunately as a parent my responsibilities end there, sometimes its better to keep my mouth shut.

People tell me things can’t be done all the time, few offer solutions with their opinions.

People tell me things can’t be done all the time, few offer solutions with their opinions.

 

 

If I was to stop and believe that things were impossible then I would have very little success. Worse still I would have no motivation to accept the issue, nor the support to perceive it as a challenge.

 

There is no song unwritten, no canvas yet stretched that contains contemp. As an artist, a business owner I have to believe that, as a parent I have to demonstrate it.

 

As I look back at my childhood, I want to say I was one of the very fortunate to have a parent so involved in art, it would seem this time of year those memories seem to fit in so well. There would be days where I would walk in from school and the whole front room was a “Moms” project, from quilts to doll houses or a simple painting she owned the house, and any spare time she would manipulate you out of.

 

There were two things I learned never to say while working on those projects, I don’t know how; which would lead to a journey into the library where art books abound.

 

The other was “I had a problem”; these always lead to a lecture about challenges and two solutions. “For every problem there is at least two solutions, your problem find your solution.”

 

Setting here writing this I wonder if more than half of them art projects were a way she could show me those very truths.

Humbling isnt it.

I have found my adventures in anger are most times very dangerous. I believe that even justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it.

Of passions

Passion is a wish in your heart unbound, unaltered, A dream in your head unattainable, unchanged.

Desires????

Of desire the temptress, chained to the spirit of flesh, of scents, it is her you dance with as you splurge your coins. Her comfort is in her disguise as she bends the ear of your thought. Long has she danced in your mind using your vanity as a drum.

Time

Time is an entity that has no dimensions, alone it stands between the protons, its journey begins. It travels no distance yet is found every where. It has no color, no character, no vice, yet it is treasured and detested by all. It has no beginning, no end yet it is never challenged. It can not be an element for it has no weight. Yet its passing is marked, assured of it taxes to calculations it is applied, the forecast of which you are surely given measure.

 

Alas it is counted for it is but a life form with a steady beat as if of a drum.

On Youth

How quickly does a child forgive, or share? How warm is the smile and hurtful the tear.

How I envy the days of the wonders of youth.

The case against Baby Boomers?

The case against Baby Boomers?

 

Its so funny to be coined that, Baby Boomers owe an apology to everyone whether about the economy or about the many other forms of Gluttony and Greed.

 

I like it when people start to say something about us. Remember we were the ones carrying signs and yelling about Love not war, we had big aspirations and even bigger expectations. We were the ones that wanted to change everything.

 

Baby Boomers, where the first to turn in their signs for a suit and tie. Sure there were a many good things that came from us, Alas there are many more we are responsible for. Our Stewardship was forgotten just like the colors we loved.

 

The pendulum of our youth and liberal ways, for some were a reason to change as we struggled to find a way to provide for ourselves, this created the development of the conservative lines we today still push at everyone, thus our folly. We have turned even the term liberal into something that is feared and hated. Traitors to our own youthful desires, far are they hidden deep in a closet, removed for public eye like a stained shirt. Most of us were a conservative badge in place of our desire for change.

 

We have taken our lot in life and urbanized our farms, shut our factories, and became a land of consumers. Pray tell how we can offer a thing to the next generation but our debt, a debt that is more than the economy. Our focus now is about our little TV’s and that glass of wine as we await our room at the senor homes.

 

Of those of us who did not sell our signs, we struggle to sell our art, our words, our deeds. I hold little hope until our honesty is restored. I for one still have my keep on truckin T-shirt and will cut my hair in view of St. Peter, least I too become a traitor of my youth.

About love and self

Love is the tremendously complex realization that something other than oneself is real.

Pursuit and the triad

Blind pursuit of your own ends which excludes the possibility that others may be right does not allow for the fact that in Art we are always dealing with a triad – the client, the audience and you.

Selfishness

Ideally, making everyone win through acts of accommodation is desirable. But self-righteousness is often the enemy.

A pause?

I will pause along my way this day.

What will I do with such a thing as a pause as I wonder about my day.

Shall I seek shadows, things withheld from the light of this day,

Should I preserve the capture of beauty, allure, enchantment as I trip about my day.

Alas of these I speak are the expectation of my day.

I am a Hippie

I am a hippie long hair and all.

Today is portrait day, yoo-hoo, I get up extra early, get all setup to take one of them fancy headshots of mine but this time of me. It’s just one of the many things I have to do. I have time to write a poem, edit a few images and help my lovely wife with some traveling around town. Its early before 9am I have an hour to spare.

So off I go thinking I can write while I wait for her to do the little things she wants in life. We stop by a state contracted temporary job service; My idea here is I can write while she see’s what are some options.

I love to write so this was a really, really cool thing to do while the sun all red is raising. So I am setting in my truck, right next to city hall, just jotting down a few outlines to a poem, when two of Meridian officers approach me, asking me to lay my hand upon the wheel.

The first office asks real nicely what I am doing, my reply, I was waiting on my wife in the employment office above the bank. He asks for my ID, while another asks, is your wife trying to get a job in the bank? No I replied, in the employment office above the bank.

His wonderful reply that made me laugh, Where above the bank? Sunglass slightly miss angled as he peek beneath them.  

What is so funny about all of this, I do look like a hippie all long hair and all. I do have a nice shirt on, remember its portrait day. I like driving my old pick up, kind of reminds me of simpler days. Yes sir I am setting outside the bank.

Alas to have two officers’ not know there was a state funded temporary employment agency above the Bank.

Either that agency never has any one there, or the jobs are truly that scarce that the officers’ are unaware it is there. I am sure though that the state pays for the miles, to the Starbucks and coffee too. Which has to be the preferred way of interviewing temps for a state job.

I am not sure what I look like. It’s been a few years since I did a portrait, I must be looking pretty scruffy.

Artist's

A soul stands for what it is, as it is, it leaves judgment behind.

Today when I go to my work, it is my work which I am going to do.

It is not yours.

How I put pen to paper, brush to canvas is the statement of my day.

The first artist’s principle;

Chained Beauty a condemned heart

Chained beauty is like a condemned heart.

The hardest limit to overcome is the limit we place on ourselves; it is like a chain to the place you are, discouraging improvement, and dejects change.

Peace and Love or Snoopy?

As I walk through the morning light I wonder at the many things I have seen, you see I do remember how the Penn State protest took all the headlines away from the music of Woodstock in 69. How the frustrations and contempt of War were brought to bear on those of us who have enough courage not only to stand and fight for our country, but say our leaders were wrong with their contempt.

I remember the peace signs, the love signs, how these were twisted by our leaders as a statement of unrest. Their fear of change, this the badge they wore and wear.

Alas was lost the colors of love, the statements of peace, now these who had no courage, no dream are asking us to allow them to lead us yet again. As they hide their moneys from the very tax they ask us to pay or deny their involvement as you smoked a joint, remember do I your statements then and now.

To me neither of these are the choices good.

For it is far worse to say I was there carrying a sign that stated Peace and Love is what we need.

Apparent is you’re your contempt, your lies of your very deeds. Why is thy contempt so great for what is right.

For this shall be the banner, the sign of your deeds, colorless yet still in peace.

Vote Snoopy as a write in yet again.

For those of you too young to remember Snoopy won, a cartoon was better for the people than the leaders of either party. I wonder now why Snoopy was drawn in black and white.

A reflection

Reflections

Its is said that only in a mirror will you see self, Yet I look at my children and see what I believe.

I give my time to my own goals, selfishly seeking a means, Yet I judge another on that what they do not do.

I seek the coalesce of harmony with in, Yet it is within I am challenged.

I awake my longing for a simple moment of belonging, Yet it is I who is the first to walk away.

My dreams are filled with horror, Yet they are an honor.

I am trapped with in these selfish beliefs that in one way I can change, Yet again they are but a reflection of you, a perception of me.

Alas I am far worse to judge me.

Can Computer teach better than humans

Computers are not personable, they are fast, they do not have the faults of humans, they are blind to race, they can not feel, nor see neither excitement nor disappointment.

Only a human can see and use awareness of the other I will challenge a computer to feel passion.

Alas most teaching starts well before a child enters school.

Art is an illusion

If success in art is expression, what is the most hidden in self is the quest.

The image is but a reflection, an illusion of that moment of self.

Change

Change.

How I worry about thee, thy decision put to actions, once started the journey slips and slides like an amusement park ride. ,

The fear of thee has crippled me, like thoughts replayed as a horror movie on constant reruns. My actions become routine as I flounder for the pause button. As if the pause will quiet demands of my own selfish inactions, as I hold on to what I know. Mostly the knowing of how I am chained to a history of thee.

The excitement of thee! Oh that power you flaunt at me like bait on a hook. Teasing my fear with dreams of better, As if you were a baker your manipulations presented in roll upon colorful sweet roll of temptations all lined up for me to try.

The reality of thee, you twist stance with the quickness of a child, you place histories on a hook to hold me there, while I wallow in inaction looking for even one morsel of the sweetness you promised, once tasted you become allusive like the a missing spice.

Your contempt for me is clear, like a bitter winter wind, you remind me, in my history there is only thee. From the moment I became until the length of my life’s threads end. You are twisted and weaved through my days, ever there, just out of sight, then you pounce into the light.

Alas for it will be, until I become thee.

US

Why is it that man seeks to control another by the few of belief?

Was this the greatest country in the world built by a conservative view, or a more liberal view of let us try something new. As in We the People.

What in the last 30 years has the conservative view brought us?

The savings and loan, high oil prices, over stated property values, failed banks, over stated insurance and hiding their money, all the while saying I am a conservative.

I for one would rather follow a prostitute; at least they would know a manipulation of control for what it is.

Honor

Honor is given by deed, the courage there of, not pride.

I spent sometime walking about thinking about this, I looked into history and found many great people and countless great deeds in which to read and remember. Part of it was wondering about me, and about my deeds. Could I live up to the concept, should I even try.

I went to a benefit concert the other day, to assist a child who is stricken with Cancer, it was there that the true meaning of Honor came out. I watched like many others this festival of music and dance, not a single performer showed pride. Humbly I watched a good friend step up to the mic, knowing this man I could see he was touched by the same display as I had seen all night. Yes he was like all the others humbly trying to excite attention for the child.

I stepped away from the hustle and bustle of the event, and wondered about my mind in a spin. How to express this display I had seen.

These others have given so much in deed.

Honor the courage of the child indeed.

A Journey

A wise man once said, you will see your path.

Fade not the spirit of the heart,

Your journey has just begun.

Leaders

There are leaders and there are those who lead.

Leaders hold a position of power or influence.

Those who lead inspire us.

Apologies

Apologies to everyone, I have been about another task. It would seem that when I go about them I become even more reclusive. I have a lot to reflect on and ideas to follow so I make no excuse.

For sure it has not been about any of you.

A bit odd I be.

I could not care what you think of my hair, lets be honest about this, first it is mine next is it the fact I learned my hair care procedures from my dog? Shake it and go? Why yes it works for me.

What else would you assume about me?

Next I assume would be my clothing, raggedy at best, but I again I did not ware them for you, for me they a comfortable.

Do you assume of me?

Could it be because I play music, that assume that makes me unusual, or could it be a picture will come to be, thus giving me a status less than the?

Alas I am as eccentric as an artist can be.

Why is it I ask?

Why is it I ask???!!!  Why is it that when I state to a follow eccentric person in the community “I have seen the police, drive through.”, they look at me pause then state “not to worry I am clean.”

Do they not wonder about the kids as do I? or is it they assume from looks alone my state of mind?

Could it be my approach or maybe it is my hair but to assume my state of mind by looks?

No Wonder, I would prefer to be a recluse.

A judgment not sought, has not for reward.

Are our kids safe?

What God didn’t do.

God didn’t call me up this morning and say “ Chas I am going on Vacation and I am leaving you in charge.”

I will spend my day wondering why.

A voice is not enough

One person’s voice is loud.

One person’s belief is thunderous.

Let not you actions speak the least.

Addressed or undressed

I have to address this yet again.

A model is defined as a person who is looking too gain financially from their looks alone.  This takes a special type of person.  Be they male or female.  Being a model is a job.  A model is so focused on their looks they believe they should be paid for their looks.

I want you to think about that for a moment there should be a long pause here.

What a model is not, they are not just looking for pictures.  They want something and that should be evident.  They should manipulate like no others, they can sell better than the used car salesman.  That manipulation should go down all the way to the way they dress up, the way they talk, the way they act.  They should be so willing to change every situation into a way to make them look good.  For looking good and is what they get paid for.  That’s not conceit, that’s a attitude positive, dramatic, and willing to make themselves look good.

A musician is a person defined to gain financially from their works alone. This is a person devoted to that like a model to looks.

An Actor/Actress is defined by their last reading and the last time they were the complete focus of everyone’s attention.

A Photographer by that last frame.

A Director by that last film.

A Talent Scout by their last find.

All of these are a focus of a career, and are respected as such. However the fact remains that very very few of any of these career paths choice end in success. The big reason for that is it is about demand. That income is based on other people enjoying your commodity. That means that commodity needs to be going somewhere. Clue here for everyone Facebook or a website is not a destination.

If you don’t have that type of dedication or if you're modest, shy, afraid of a little attention, or worried about what your Mom, Dad, Boyfriend or Girlfriend might think, or your just looking for facebook updates then I think you may have chosen the wrong type of work, you have selected the wrong person to work with you, so don't waste my time.

Warning I have little use for an excuse. Alas I like the commodity I produce.

I can not blame the wine for what I said, I gave the wine permission to loosen my tongue.

The delusion of ego: “the absolute denial of shit". Ego functions by excluding from view everything that humans find difficult with which to come to terms, offering instead a sanitized view of the world, in which "all answers are given in advance and preclude any questions".

A proclamation means your shit filter is broken.

I offer no excuse, in my haze of intoxicated bliss, you have to do something to be something. What exactly do you do besides sanitize your view.

You

You,

I have a clear expectation of you, that you be better, a better person, a better friend, a better you. Everything I talk about is about becoming that, Alas (regrettably) better than I. That you never have to walk the roads I have once traveled.

That is my penance of life.

A Morning

Quandary

Why is it when I awake my day begins with many, many questions to ponder. The one’s at first are the ones that have true significance for the day.

First I must decide weather or not to open my eyes, thus changing the images of my dreams, to the bitter reality of a day. This is not an easily made decision based on my many days of history verse the wonderful colors and feelings of my dreams.

Once done many things have changed, either the dreams now disturbed by the passing thought of awaking, or how my awareness of those many days of histories, as my body goes from a delightful prone position, to the elevated truth of setting.

Alas it is that gravity that demon of time, settles many of the next most pressing questions, Is this real being primary among them. Alas it is as my life blood settles into the standard thump of my heart. It is gravity again that concludes another significant reality, how much I drank last night, which is also presented in a way so visual, a light blur and slight tip to the room.

A fleeting thought crosses my awareness, just where would I be in that dream?

I adjust myself to the day at task, first by paying the taxes of yesterday, do I owe an amends, me being me, that list seems long for a single day, and hey to my own wonder there is my own little name, yes I have to amend at least once for that dream.

Thus it is, I begin the long process to stand, my thinking here is without guilt this ability should be easier, well except for that dream. Oh but this leads to many, many more questions, the first being should I open the other eye?

Oh the appeal of dreams, they are the only place where I do nothing wrong.

Words

Words spoken when one can ignore them, truly must mean less.

Words like deeds have a value once repeated.

When I have a cold, seems my thoughts are as cold.

When I have a cold, seems my thoughts are as cold.

It seems to me that when I have a cold, my thoughts drift to a cold stance to match.

I thought for a while that I could come up with an excuse for my cold rants, you know the one “when you are sick, you say things to make others feel down like you are. “

I can not get it, maybe the pressure, the cough, for sure the sneezing all tell me I am with a cold, does the cold really make it harder to be honest or easier? Maybe it’s when I have a cold most people stay away, to be honest that is safer. Maybe when I am alone I am left with my own thoughts and this cold. Maybe the cold is communicating with me in its own special way. I mean a cold is pretty blunt and all. It takes over your whole body makes you shiver and shake.

So why not make it an excuse, to step up and say

Frist:“Get Real”,

next: “Go big or go home”,

then: “That door swings both ways,

last; BUT DO SOMETHING!

Alas I have always been blunt, maybe the story stands in the way.

Another way of looking at change

The selfishness of the fear of Change;

It is not the fear of change that is scary but letting go of what we know.

We deal with change all of the time, those small inconvenient interruptions during the day the loss of a few moments of time on the way home. Yes they are irritating, it would seem what is frustrating about it is not what I am doing but what I am loosing. It is the knowing I am missing something I know.

Yet with in these moments of pause if you will, we meet new people, hear something or see new things that allow us to view things differently. So as you pounder the meaning of pause,  I offer a simple poem. The subject ” Public Schools K-12”.

 A poem:

I see more than I write, yet I am blind when I view the world,

I am passionate about art, yet my hand will not hold a brush,

My words have no meaning if they are not read,

My art will be lost in the confusion of contempt,

Alas for the conceit of judgment and control,

Conservative morals o what a foe,

Deaf shall you be, as blind as black shall you see,

Fail to see art and the dark ages will be.

A liberal will get this, maybe even fear this, a conservative will only enjoy the poem.

Placing a value on it I leave to you.

The Ego of expectations

I was once presented with an opportunity to give to another my skills my attention and abilities.  I have found that the skills the mechanics are easy to express and teach, and with the use of technology fundamentally fast.  The attention that it takes to become talented and skilled in any craft is it more about the time, than that it is actually teaching.

This means I have found to give somebody a mechanic’s skills it takes both my time, and their time, it takes them time to use those skills. 

If there was one thing that I would say it’s the hardest to teach it would be the abilities.  Teaching someone how to mechanically use a machine, is far different than teaching somebody the abilities it takes.

See abilities have reference to the active exercise of our faculties.  It implies not only native vigor of mind, but the easy and promptness of execution.  This promptness and execution can only be arrived at through confidence.

The downfall of all teaching is the expectation.  Teach a child to use a marker is easy, to teach them to keep the marker on the paper is also easy but it takes time, at my house it takes cleanser to clean up the walls as they explore, as find they can use the tool.

To expect them to develop vigor so easily expressed upon execution, is the folly of ego.

How would you communicate if you couldn’t talk?

How would you communicate if you couldn’t talk?

Every morning as I sip my coffee, I love to watch birds, squirrels cats or other critters of the morning. Its just something I do as I get ready for my day.

For years it would seem that some of them are doing the same thing, some actually seem to step forth and say hello. Or maybe they are just as curious.

Maybe for years the animals and critters have been watching me, just maybe they have been saying good morning, Maybe I missed it.

Humbled by youth yet again

I am humbled by youth, not for the life that they are about to see, but for the changes between what they will see and what I have already seen.

Many now have no idea what a phone cord is or was, I talked with a young man about this, he remembered the cords, but not the journey of the cord, at first it was so close to the wall, then it became the distance between you and the wall, then it was gone.

He looked at me and handed me a cell phone, I tried to find the receiver to get help placing a call.

Expectation and Vacations

Expectations never are met upon a Vacation

As I travel I seem to place more and more expectations in front of my relaxing, I am looking for a good place to eat, a good place to see, a good place to be.

Alas for me I seem to place more expectations on the end of any moment than the journey it takes to get there.

Everyone is given a chance at least once, some of us are given a second chance.

Everyone is given a chance at least once, some of us are given a second chance.
Alas the hard part is understanding what the chance was.



A Chance is an opportunity to do some great thing, many times as a photographer I have started a project or session and found myself elsewhere than what or where I believed I was going. For years I fought this wondering aspect of shooting images, trying to stay in control of the goal. The more I try to take charge the more I loose the goal.



Once lost the goal is forever allusive to be framed, scold myself to see the ending has never been enough to get there.



Alas for me, forever to repeat. To rewrite, reshoot, restart the process. Thus is the idea behind a goal. Goals focus my thought on the shiny little end.



When I step back I see the flow of chance in my work, that moment, that person, the smile I see chance. Chance teaches to look not at the goal but the journey we are on. To be given the opportunity to see that twice is the understanding.

What shall I seek?

Is it the emotions I seek as I look through my viewfinder.

What is pure and clear rests in your eyes, like the fresh frost on a cold winters night. That flash of passion that drifts a cross your face, seems to wonder about your body igniting the very essence of your soul.

You are but a sculptor chiseling away at the very rock.

There was nothing there but the cold textures of space until you arrived. That emptiness that has no sound is only broken by the shuffle of your steps, as if the very dust becomes willing to answer your presents. It is your fear pounded by your confidence you have used to stand so proudly, likened to the monuments of old.

Alas I seek you, not half, but you.

Every smile or tear, every turn or stance as the colors drift away and I slip into a trance. That excuse of flash, that click. Knowing full well how it will be impossible to capture even but a moment of you, how I settle for a glimpse.

How inferior the optics I use, for it is only that glimpse that shall be framed, As the dust settles back down, and my emptiness returns, you have become a blur of light, a shadow of my night, yet it is that single frame will be all that remains as you seek your fame.

Thus is our agreement.

Relationships or career?

Is it more difficult for a model to find a life partner than in other careers?

The stereotype is really hard to get over, but you can have a good relationship….

To be desirable, available, and unattainable that is the job, heck that has been my job making people believe those very things about a model. A relationship, even an association can place that career in deep trouble. A model has to put those three things first, from the time she/he wakes up and puts them feet on the floor until he/she is finally asleep.

I would be remised if I did state this; A model becomes desirable, everyone wants to be with them. They become available socially, that is the event type parties, gallery openings, product release’s building one’s career etc. Until they become unattainable, showing up at an event makes someone else’s career. Quote “if SHE would show up, Oh my Gosh people will think I have arrived.”, “Man if I had an image of HIM holding our product cha ching!” If you are a model and get into or try and build a relationship before you become Unattainable something is doomed.

Sorry if this seems a bit hard it is only my opinion based on my experience. You get lonely in this industry, when you do, call come over, my wife and I will have the coffee on and ready by the time you get here. Find a mentor in the industry, one whose life and lifestyle matches where you want to go. Build that relationship; remember when you take your eyes off of you, all of you, you become that which you associate with, it has teeth both ways.

Before I get twenty questions about me, I am on my third marriage and here is the score; I am a widower on my first, My second was a six month mistake, number three well after 14 plus years we started with a child each, we have added two more. 22, 21, 9, and 2 years of age. She is the blind date from this industry, suggested by someone other than my Mentor. At openings and events we found we seemed to end up next to each other.

There is a six month waiting list and a deposit before you fall under my lens. Mentoring is free, go figure…She is the backbone of each, at least to me she still has that unattainable quality.

If you asked this question of her, she would say straight out, Your nuts to even think about a relationship, they just happen when you are being you. Your job has nothing to do with it. Besides never get your honey where you get your bread and butter.

The Coin of life

Life can be described as if life is like a coin, the sides of the coin can explain how I wish to be seen, what others see, and the thin reality.

I can put efforts into what I wish others would see, the person, the man, the father, the artist, these efforts are still only what I wish, but that wish is what I hold as myself.

Others will only see that which they are looking for, that description can be as chiseled as that of what “I wish”. It is that which they seek, totally personal to each as they look.

The thin reality, is the thin side of common ground between “the wish” and “the seek”. It is set with folly and expectations, the fears, the dreams play equally in the hammering of the thinness. Yet it is the only part of the life, “the coin” I value for it is the only thing I really share.

Alas, My folly in this is I am neither the giant of my dreams, nor the dwarf of my fears. Neither can I be for another.

Left brain handicap

I am handicapped by the left side of my brain.

This is not my own concept, this as been discussed many times, I have to admit I read through a post in search of something, as an answer to my own failing and find a bit of encouragement. I guess today I really needed that. So read the post before I continue.

http://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/04/the-weirdos.html

Don’t point its rude.

Man did that hit me! I mean look at me the way I dress and act. Someone asked for something the other day, something I was in total wonder about they wanted “that Chas” in the images. For those that know me they, if you aren’t still laughing please feel free to fill others in. For those that haven’t had the moment of humor let me help you with a few of my favorite quotes as to what I am like. Quote “Just cross a Hippy with Einstein, Master Shefu looking  and acting Misfit”.  I dress the same as I did in the early 70’s ratty old jeans, blank baseball tee’s or old beat-up pull over’s,  Don’t get me started over my hair, it’s simple I treat it the same as then.

It is funny really, at the same time it is all too real. There are so many places, websites, book’s, blogs about this. The reason for that, being a misfit has its dangers, it is lonely, I get put on a pedestal only to fail when I am needed the most.

I am a misfit; Seriously its kind of hard not to stick out for me, I mean I can set and ponder the working of the universe all the while doing  lighting physics in my head, and encouraging someone through something I already failed at.

Socially I fail most of the time, my passions, the very strengths of my “vast” experience comes form being troubled. A lone, unable to be like others, things the article missed are “how do I deal with those pointing fingers”. Life on the edge, it’s been called. On the edge of what?

Yes I have that normal life appearance, every one of my relationships I hold very dear. I don’t know how they put up with me, most don’t or won’t, the stories they share put the seal of approval on my misfit status.

For the ones that don’t or won’t they still point figures and want me to live to what they expect, I wish I could help them with that, I wish I would have enough courage to say I will grow on them, lol I don’t. So what can or do I say, “Get over it I already did.” That is and has been my social shield. It is easy to say you do not like me, when I take the careless in your face road of honesty. It is also a time thing. I will be all the way out near Saturn’s Moons I will say something in careless honesty, it will hurt. Get over it I already did. You will or you won’t. All I can say is oops. Alas my handicap.

I would not want to say this explains me, that would be rationalizing the fact that I am a misfit. Nor anything close to how I behave, or the life I live. There is a lot, as this article said a lot.